


A Means to an End

by the_technicolor_whiscash



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Dr F and Frank are alive and are together, Gen, Post Season 11, and joel and mike live twenty minutes away from each other, everyone lives au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-20 01:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11910159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_technicolor_whiscash/pseuds/the_technicolor_whiscash
Summary: Joel just wants to live his life in peace. But when he gets a frantic call from Kinga asking for help, he feels obliged to lend a hand. Turns out he can't escape his past on the Satellite of Love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I dont know where i'm going with this

Joel lived a normal life. He ran his hot fish shop, had three cats and a fish, and never did anything remotely exciting. Sure, he had a number of stories to tell from his life on the Satellite of Love, but this was after that. He had gotten over the initial trauma years ago. He periodically kept in touch with Mike and the Bots, but Mystery Science Theater was no longer a part of his life. Or so he thought.

He had just gotten home from the supermarket when he noticed that someone had left a call on his answering machine. After setting his food down in the kitchen, he hit play.

“Hey, you’re Joel Robinson, right?” A woman’s voice rang out. She sounded upset. “I am Kinga Forrester, daughter of Doctor Forrester, who I assume you remember.”

Joel frowned. How did that happen? 

“Anyway, I need… God, this is embarrassing. I need your help. Call me back, ASAP.” 

The phone beeped, signaling that the message was done.

Damnit. He didn’t want to get involved in this. Mystery Science Theater was his past. But if this Kinga was torturing another guy in the SOL, and something had somehow gone wrong… he would feel responsible if the guy got hurt. So he picked up the phone and pressed call. 

“Hello?” Kinga said. 

“Hi Kinga. It’s Joel Robinson. What do you need?”

“Wow, I didn’t expect you to actually call back. Uh, so here’s the thing: my test subject is gone. He might be dead.”

“Dead? You actually KILLED a test subject?” 

“It wasn’t MY fault! It was Max and his stupid metal Reptilicus!”

“Who’s Max? And what’s a Reptilicus?”

“You haven’t been watching the new series on Netflix?”

“I don’t have Netflix! I barely have any time to myself with running my hot fish shop!”

“Ok, I have no idea what that is, but you seriously need to get with the times.”

“You never answered my questions!”

“Max is the son of TV’s Frank, and-”

“Hold on.” Joel interrupted. “That dude had a SON?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s just a genetic duplicate, to be honest, but that’s unimportant. Reptilicus was the first bad film we showed to our latest test subject, Jonah, who is currently MIA. Metal Reptilicus is this giant metal creature that Max found in Moon 13, who proceeded to eat Jonah on our wedding day.”

“Wedding day?”

“I attempted to force Jonah into marriage in order to boost ratings.”

“Ok, even Dr Forrester never tried that.”

“In hindsight, I probably should have thought it through more, but my past mistakes aren’t important. What is important…” Her voice cracked. “Is that I have no idea what to do!”

“Well, I hate to ask, but did you find a body?”

“No! And if I can’t find another subject quickly, our ratings will drop like a sack of potatoes!”

“Does Netflix even care about ratings?”

“I don’t know. But that’s not the point!”

“So what do you need my help for? You’re the mad scientist, I just run a fish shop.”

“Did my dad ever kill a test subject?”

“Not that I know of. But Mike might. He was on that satellite for even longer than I was.”

“Yeah, but I can’t find his number online.”

Joel sighed. “I can call him. But I don’t see how much help we can be. If Jonah’s still alive, who knows where he could be.”

“You were a test subject, so you know how they think. Where would you go if you had to fake your death and lay low in space?”

Joel had two options now. Either admit to this Kinga that he knew the best hiding places on the SOL and risk running her finding Jonah and actually hurting him, or lie and hope she doesn’t question it. But then, a thought occurred to him.

“How about this?” Joel said. “Let me call Mike, explain the situation to him, and we can try to come up with a plan.”

“Alright, fine. Just call me back after.”

She hung up, and Joel was left stunned. Not only did Dr Forrester and TV’s Frank somehow have children, but these children were continuing their horrible experiments and torturing innocent people. Though it was never very effective torture. Did they really expect people to go insane just by watching bad movies? 

He typed in Mike’s number and called him. He picked up after one ring.

“Hey, Joel.” Mike said. “What’s up?”

“Dr Forrester’s kid’s been continuing his experiments. It’s not easy to explain over the phone. Can you meet me at the Starbucks near my fish shop in ten minutes?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Wait, Dr Forrester had a kid? I thought he and Frank were gay? And dead?”

“We can talk about it later. Just be there.”

\-----------------

“So the poor guy is either dead or in hiding on the satellite.” Mike said, after Joel had explained the situation. “Joel, we’ve gotta help him.”

“I know. But Kinga wants me to call her back after we talk. What should I tell her?” 

“Tell her… Tell her I couldn’t help you because I was taking a monthlong trip to Europe.”

“Yeah, because that’ll be convincing.”

“You asked me to come up with something, and I did! Do you really think you can come up with something better?”

Joel sighed. “Fine. You’re backpacking in Europe. But I still have to tell her something.”

“Just say you think the guy’s dead, and that looking for him is pointless.” Mike paused. “Hold on. If we’re gonna find him, we’re gonna need to find a way up to the satellite without Kinga knowing.” 

“I think I can help with that. Remember how you said that you thought Dr Forrester was dead?”

“Yeah? Joel, what are you getting at?”

“Well… I ran into Frank at a Walmart a few months ago. He and Dr F are living together not twenty miles from here.”

“Frank’s alive too?”

“I know, it boggles the mind. Frank told me they faked their deaths so they wouldn’t have to face the guilt of running their experiment into the dirt.”

“Yikes.”

“I don’t like the thought of it, but if anyone can help us, those two bozos can.”

“You’ve got a point. Alright, you call Kinga, tell her we can’t help her, and then we can talk to the Mads.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's now after two am as i post this  
> why does this always seem to happen

Half an hour later, Joel and Mike were standing atop the doorstep to Dr Forrester and TV’s Frank’s house. It was a nice little house, with an immaculate garden. The only thing out of the ordinary was the doormat, which had the Gizmonic Institute logo emblazoned on it. Joel rang the doorbell, and Dr Forrester came to the door.

“Joel?” Dr F said, his jaw dropping. “How did you find me?”

“Honey?” Frank’s voice floated out from behind Dr F. “Who’s at the door?”

“It’s Joel! He somehow knew we weren’t dead!” Dr F yelled over his shoulder. 

“Eh, that’s my fault.” Frank walked over to greet them. “I ran into Joel in Walmart a few months ago. I explained our situation to him, and he promised not to tell anyone.”

“Well, clearly he didn’t keep that promise.” 

Joel rolled his eyes. “You would have run into Mike eventually. You two are kind of recognizable. And besides, I had a point.”

“Trust me, I wouldn’t have come here for any other reason.” Mike said, a disturbed edge to his voice. 

Dr F looked impatient. “And? What is your reason?”

“Your daughter is running your experiment,” Joel explained, “and she either killed the test subject or forced him into hiding on the Satellite, which she rebuilt.” 

Dr F grew pale. “Damnit. I never thought… when I faked my death, I never thought she would…”

“Whatever problems you might’ve had in the past are in the past. We just need your help to find a way up to the satellite, and then back down to earth.”

“Seriously? That’s easy. We have an experimental teleporter in the closet. Though we’ve only ever used it to send the remote across the couch, and there’s a possibility it won’t work on a human.”

“We’ll have to try it.” Mike said. 

Dr F nodded, and Frank went off to grab it. “You know, what amazes me the most about all of this is that neither of you seem surprised that Frank and I are together.”

Joel and Mike looked at each other, both smirking. 

“It was a little obvious.” Mike said after a moment.

“Well, you always seemed oblivious. And Joel, you just didn’t seem to care.”

“Hey, I’m not oblivious!” Mike shifted to look at Joel. “Do we have to work with them?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry honey, it’ll be over soon.”

Just then, Frank appeared, holding something that looked like a flattened lava lamp with a keyboard embedded in it. “Found it! You just press this button here, and type in your coordinates, and you’re good to go.”

“So you guys actually invented a teleporter, and you keep it in your closet?” Mike said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, it doesn’t help that we’re supposed to be dead.” Dr F replied. “Can’t really get funding.”

Joel nodded. “Well, thank you guys for this. Even if you are terrible.”

“Joel, that’s the nicest thing you could have said to me. I hate you too.”

\-------------------

“So which one of us is gonna go up there?” Mike said, once they had set up the teleporter in Joel’s living room. 

“I don’t know, maybe we should flip a coin.”

“Cause, you know, the Bots might… I don’t know, they might not be too happy to see me. Might feel betrayed or something since they were kidnapped from my apartment when I wasn’t there.”

“Seriously? Kinga kidnapped them?”

“Yeah. She left a note, saying how she was restarting the experiment, and how I probably wouldn’t even miss them. We lived together for a decade and a half, of course I missed them.”

“It’s not like it’s your fault. If anything, they should hate me more for escaping and leaving them there on the satellite.”

“Good point. But they never complain when we go to your house for Thanksgiving.”

“They just like that I named my cats after them. And the fish I named after Cambot.”

Mike laughed. “Right. We should all get our pictures taken in turtlenecks and submit it to awkward family photos.”

“But it’s gotta be a turtleneck/shorts combo. The ugliest possible outfit.”

Joel was reminded of the Christmases he had spent on the satellite. It was always a little sad, since he couldn’t see his family, but he had his own little space family on there. When he had gotten back to earth, he almost didn’t know what to do with himself. He was grateful after Mike came down to earth with the Bots, because then he could see them whenever he felt like it. But there was always an element of bitterness that hung in the air, leftover from the Bots’ feelings of abandonment. Not enough to ruin the family Christmas party, but noticeable. 

He cleared his throat. “So. Who’s going up?”

“Why not both of us? We clearly both have a certain amount of regret about this.”

“Alright. That works.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing like a little regret and shame to start the day off
> 
> i feel like theres way too much dialogue and not enough things actually happening  
> ill tackle that next chapter


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never really established how the teleporter works did i. well thatll be answered this chapter.

The teleporter worked without much hassle, and soon Joel and Mike found themselves in a bay on the Satellite of Love which was up in the far left side of the satellite. Joel had hoped that by teleporting to this part of the ship would prevent Kinga from noticing that they had indeed come to the satellite to find the lost test subject. If they wanted to go back to the teleporter, they would simply press a button on the app that went along with it (yes, Dr F had even developed an app for the teleporter) and they would be immediately transported back.

The bay they had teleported to was a room much like many of the upper rooms on the ship: large, mostly empty, completely dark but for a few dim lights on the ceiling, and filled with sciency-looking junk that hadn’t been used in years. Though this was a replicated SOL and different from the original, Joel was amazed that Kinga had managed to make it so close to the original. She must’ve kept her father’s original blueprints for the ship. 

Joel pulled out his cell phone and lit up the flashlight, illuminating some of the dusty scientific equipment. There was some of his old inventions from the invention exchange days, and some stuff which he didn’t recognize but it looked important. And an old blender, which he distinctly remembered that Tom had tried to seduce. 

He watched as Mike walked up to something that was covered in a sheet and dramatically pulled it away, revealing an old couch. “Gee, I wonder where this thing came from.”

A memory bubbled in Joel’s head. “Back when I had been on the satellite for only a few weeks, the Bots and I decided to try having this couch on the bridge. It disappeared, and I never knew what had happened to it. I guess Dr F kept it hidden the whole time.”

“Wow, how long ago was that?”

“It must’ve been either ‘89 or ‘90. I wonder how Kinga got this up to the new satellite.”

“I think it was probably stored down in Deep 13. Forrester and Frank kept a bunch of crap down there that I had to help sort through when I was working for them as a temp.”

“Weirdos.”

“You’re telling me.”

They fell into silence as Joel looked around for the door. All of the doors on the satellite were connected to the mainframe computer of the ship, so if they opened it, they would run the risk of alerting the computer system that they were there. Hopefully G still ran the higher functions of the ship, and she would simply pass it off as the door malfunctioning. 

Joel found the door and opened it, revealing a dark hallway lit only by blinking red lights along the floor. One way would lead them deeper into the ship, and the other would lead them towards the back.

“Do we split up?” Mike asked, seeing their current situation. 

“I think it would be for the best. You go left, and I’ll go right. Call if you find Jonah, or anything out of the ordinary.”

Mike nodded. “Alright.”

Joel turned to walk off, but he paused. “Hey, Mike, one last thing.”

“Yeah?”

He cracked a smile. “Watch out for snakes.”

Mike snorted. “You know, we still told that joke when I was up on the satellite. Even the new guy says it.”

“It never really gets old.” 

\---------------------------

After a half an hour of searching every nook and cranny that he knew of in the various attic-like rooms of the SOL, Joel came to the conclusion that Jonah was probably not there. But the satellite was huge, and there was any number of places the guy could be. So he descended a ladder down to one level lower. He popped off a text to Mike telling him where he was going, and set off.

As he was about to enter another room, he heard a sound behind him. It was a scratching, coming from the ceiling. He spun around, coming face to face with…

“G?” Joel exclaimed, taking a step back.

“Joel! My goodness, it’s been too long.” She said, in a voice that seemed different from her old voice. “What are you doing on the satellite? Kinga didn’t say anything about you coming up.”

“Mike and I are here looking for Jonah. We’re trying to find him so we can get him out of here.” Joel glanced around. “Does anyone else know we’re here?”

“No. I only came up here because the doors were acting up. So where’s Mike?”

“He’s searching in a different part of the ship. G, what happened to your voice? And why are you on the ceiling?”

“Jonah gave me a new voice, and reworked some of my wiring so that I could snake along the ceiling instead of taking up lots of room on the floor. It’s actually pretty fun.”

This Jonah character was starting to impress Joel more and more. Mike had never been good with advanced robotics enough to change anything on the Bots majorly, but Jonah seemed to be doing it easily. Joel hoped he wasn’t changing them too much.

“G, do you have any idea where Jonah could be?” Joel asked.

“I’m not sure. I know he’s still on the satellite, since there’s been a reading of one life form on the ship, but I’m not sure where. I’ve been looking for him too.”

“Do you know how he managed to escape Kinga?”

“He built a spacesuit.”

Built a spacesuit? How? He would have to figure that out later. “G, do you think Cambot knows where he is?”

“It’s a possibility. But Cambot still can’t talk. I think Magic Voice used to be able to understand him, but I don’t think they’re still on the ship.”

“Damn. You’re right. Netflix doesn’t have commercial breaks. Still, Cambot might be able to help us.”

“I’ll go grab him. You stay here.”

Joel nodded. “Alright. I’ll text Mike, tell him what’s happening.”

“You do that. I missed you, Joel.”

Joel smiled sadly. “I missed you too, G.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> magic voice, o magic voice, wherefore art thou magic voice  
> also this kind of references my headcanon that magic voice was the only person who could understand what cambot was saying since they dont really talk  
> non-corporeal voice and robot that cant talk just sort of work


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things r getting serious

“Yes, Cambot, I missed you too, buddy.” Joel said, after Cambot had launched themselves into Joel’s arms. He patted the robot on the head. They looked different from normal, looking more like a professional movie camera and less like a huggable sphere, but they were clearly still the same Cambot. “Cambot, I need to ask you a question.”

Cambot nodded.

“Do you have any idea where Jonah is?”

The little robot seemed to hesitate, considering whether or not to answer.

“I’m trying to help him escape.” Joel added. 

Finally, they nodded slowly. So Cambot really did know where Jonah was. If only they could talk.

“Can you show me where he is?”

Cambot shook their head.

“No? Why not?”

No response. 

“Cambot, please, if you’re trying to protect Jonah, then tell me. I can help him.”

The robot shook their head again. Suddenly, Joel noticed a flashing light on the side of Cambot’s head. 

“G, what does that mean?”

G sighed. “It means the Mads are calling. Cambot and I have to get back to the bridge.”

“Damn. Alright, you guys go do that. I have to call Mike.” 

Cambot seemed to perk up at the mention of Mike.

“Yeah, Mike’s with me. He’s searching in a different part of the ship.”

Cambot beeped happily. 

“Listen, you guys go talk to the Mads, I’ll call Mike and have him come up here so you can see him.”

G nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Let’s go.”

As they left, Joel looked at his phone. One missed text from Mike. “Something’s not right here.”

Immediately, Joel called Mike. One ring, two rings, three rings. Finally, he picked up. “Joel. It’s Mike. You’re not gonna believe what I just found.”

“Really? Because I just ran into G and Cambot, and-”

“Joel, this isn’t the only Satellite of Love. These aren’t the only Bots. And Jonah wasn’t the only test subject.”

“What?”

“I found a computer that connects down to Moon 13. After some button pressing, I found a list of all of the past test subjects, and the satellites they were in. Kinga seems to have been doing these experiments for years. Not just for Mystery Science Theater, but other experiments too. And all of the experiments have a start date and an end date. This satellite, the one we’re on now? It’s rigged to blow.”

“When?

“I’m not sure. Could be a year, could be an hour.”

“So these aren’t the only Bots?”

“Kinga took your original blueprints and duplicated them a bunch of times.”

“Then why did she need to kidnap them from you?”

“I think something happened to the blueprints. They were destroyed or something, so she came after the originals.”

“Does it say where the originals are being kept?”

“Somewhere in Moon 13. If we want to rescue them, we’ll have to go down there.”

A disturbing thought came to Joel’s mind. “What happened to the other test subjects? Were they…”

“No, they weren’t killed, as far as I can tell. Just had their memories wiped.”

Phew. “We have to find Jonah. Tell him what’s happening. This Cambot seems to know where he is.”

“Alright. But I don’t know how much I would trust these Bots. They were created by Kinga.”

“Jonah seems to have done some work on them, or at least on G. Hopefully they’ll be loyal to him.”

“I hope so. I’ll come up to meet you.”

“Good. Cambot wanted to see you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, they seem to have all of the memories of our original Bots. Kinga probably just copied their memory chips.”

“Joel, what have we gotten ourselves into?”

Joel sighed, shaking his head. “Deep shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i was doing chapter titles for this fic i would have called this one deep shit


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listened to the Slime Rancher soundtrack while writing this. what a good game.

“It’s good to see you guys.” Mike said to Cambot and G. 

Joel cleared his throat “So, Cambot. Can you show us where Jonah is?” 

Cambot nodded, albeit with hesitation. They clearly weren’t entirely trusting with the whole situation, and Joel couldn’t blame them. How traumatic is it to see your friend eaten by a giant metal lizard, and being the only one to know his current location.

“G, do you want to come with us?”

“I would, but I think Crow is trying to saw through the floor of the satellite again, so I need to go take care of that before we all die.”

“Good plan. Cambot, lead the way.”

Cambot led them down corridors and through hallways, taking a twisting and turning path towards some sort of industrial elevator. Once inside, they pressed a button, sending them plummeting downwards, deep into the bowels of the satellite. Exiting the elevator, they started off down yet another long hallway. 

Mike leaned over to Joel and whispered, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Don’t let Cambot know that.”

“I never liked the basement of the ship. The mole people used to live here. I think Servo used to come down here to light my clothes on fire.”

“Oh come on, I’m sure he never did that.”

“He did! He had this whole ritual too. I caught him doing it once.”

“You lived with him for more than a decade on earth, knowing that he would burn your laundry?”

“Not like I could just throw him out after we crashed on earth. Besides, I got a lock on my bedroom door.”

Joel almost walked into Cambot, who had stopped, beeping that they had arrived at their location.

“He’s in this room?” Joel asked.

Cambot nodded.

Joel twisted the doorknob. Locked. He knocked on the door. “Hey, anyone in there?”

Silence. 

“Jonah, if you’re in there, it’s Joel Robinson and Mike Nelson. We’re here to help you.”

A few seconds passed. Then, suddenly, a voice responded. “No Jonah here. He was eaten.”

“Jonah, if that’s you, we know you weren’t eaten.” 

Mike rolled his eyes. “No offense Jonah, but that excuse really doesn’t work.”

“How do I know you are who you say you are?” Not-Jonah asked.

“I built the Bots. I know you’ve done some work on G. You changed out her voice chip, right? And managed to allow her to travel along the ceiling? That’s smart work.”

A pause. Then, the sound of the lock unlocking, and the door sliding open. Joel and Mike were greeted by a man who looked exceptionally tired. He wore a yellow Gizmonic jumpsuit, and appeared as though he hadn’t slept in days. 

“Did Kinga send you?” Jonah asked. 

“No.” Mike said. “We need to talk.”

\--------------------

“That’s… that’s terrifying.” Jonah muttered, after Joel and Mike had explained the situation. “I guess getting eaten by a giant metal lizard was actually a good thing.”

“The only problem now is, in order to rescue the Bots, the real Bots, we have to go down to Moon 13. Without Kinga noticing.” Joel said. 

“I know bits and pieces of the place. There’s nowhere that’s really secret.”

Mike sighed. “I hate to have to suggest this, but what if you let Kinga know you’re alive? Use that to distract her, and then when we have the Bots we can all beam out of there with the teleporter.”

“I don’t like the idea, but I also don’t see any other option.” His voice grew concerned. “Will the Bots have any memory of my time with them? Since I was working with duplicates, and not the originals?”

“I don’t know.” Joel said. “We don’t know how they’ve been duplicating them or anything, so there’s a chance they will and a chance that they might not.”

Jonah seemed to be considering this. Joel was a little worried that he would no longer want to go along with their plans. Finally, he nodded. “I’ll help you. But first, I should probably take a nap. I haven’t slept in three days.”

“Seriously? Why?” Asked Mike.

“I’ve been trying to come up with a way to get back to earth, all without being noticed by anyone. Cambot only found me because I had to sneak into one of the food storage rooms to grab something to eat.”

Joel was all too familiar with the level of exhaustion that comes from not sleeping for days. “Well, you get some rest. We’ll try to think of any other possible plan.”

Joel and Mike left the room, and Mike sighed. “I wish there was some other way to do this. The poor kid probably just wants to go home.”

“I know.” A thought began to form in Joel’s mind. “Hold on. If some of the stuff is here from the old satellite, maybe some of my inventions are here too.”

“Your inventions? You wouldn’t happen to have something that could turn us invisible, would you?”

“No, but I have other things that could work as a distraction. Or at least light some things on fire.”

“What kind of inventions were you making up here?”

“Most of them are harmless, like the Pork-orina, but some of the stuff was a little more intense. Like Hell in a Handbag, a purse that basically just caught fire.”

“That might just be crazy enough to work.”

“Start looking through boxes. We might even find some of the Mads’ old inventions up here. They were always a bit more… destructive than mine.”

Joel began to rip open box after box. Some of the boxes contained things of use, like an actual box-cutter, but some were just filled with menial items. Finally, after what felt like hours of searching, Joel came upon just what he needed, shoved behind the human-sized game of Operation.

It was the Tank Tops. Literal tanks that you could wear. They would undoubtedly be useful, though they were somewhat ugly. 

“Mike! Come take a look at this, I found an invention of the Mads’ that might be able to help us.” Joel yelled over his shoulder.

Mike walked over. “What are they?”

“Tank Tops. Mini tanks you can wear.”

“That’s… odd, but you’re right. If nothing else, we could scare someone off with those.”

Their conversation was interrupted by G, who spoke worriedly. “Guys… Kinga knows you’re here. She wants to talk to you.”

“Damnit.” Joel muttered. Shit had just hit the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the shit is getting deeper! and im also getting lost im not going to lie im kind of making it up as i go along ans at this point im a little worried as to how thats gonna turn out but i am a master bullshitter so im sure ill figure it out  
> also PLEASE look up all of the invention exchanges because they're a trip


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a writer i get to decide who lives and who dies. ha ha. so often, no one dies, for the sake of the plot.

“Joel Robinson. I can honestly admit, I never expected you to try to bust Jonah out.” Kinga said, as Joel and Mike walked onto the bridge. Her image was displayed on the screen, alongside someone who Joel assumed to be Max.

“Well, I am just full of surprises.” Joel muttered. However this was going to end, it wasn’t going to end well.

“Yes, I just checked the number of life signs on the ship and I found not one, but three! So not only do we know that Jonah’s alive, but we know that you two know where he is.”

“Where are the Bots, Kinga? The real Bots?” Mike asked. Joel could hear in his voice his temper thinning. 

Kinga sighed. “Really? If you must know, the ones on that satellite are the real ones. My duplicates unfortunately did not have the same personality as yours, so I had my Boneheads kidnap them to use in the experiment this time around.”

“Then why does Cambot look all weird?” 

“I added some new features that would help with the widescreen presentation of the show. Trust me, it’s still the same robot.”

“Alright, so say they are the same Bots. How do we know you haven’t altered them in some way?” Mike’s voice was getting angrier. Joel put a hand on his shoulder, attempting to signal that he should turn it down a bit. Mike simply looked at him with a pained expression. 

“It’s harder to alter those robots than you think. The way they’re programmed, the code is like it’s in a different language.”

Joel butted in. “Yeah, that’s my fault. I was running on coffee and hope when I programmed them. I don’t even know if I could change them myself.”

Kinga frowned. “Anyway, now the question is, what to do with you two. Because you know where Jonah is, and I can’t very well continue the experiment without him.”

“Sure you could. You could watch the movies yourself, see where that gets you.”

“Really? Robinson, I know how bad those movies are. If I really wanted a new test subject, I could just use Max.”

Max looked surprised. “Hey, I didn’t know that Reptilicus would eat him! That’s not my fault!”

“What? Max, you literally summoned the creature to deliberately attack Jonah and stop the wedding.”

“I-I…” He stuttered, before dropping his head in defeat.

“We’ll address that later. Back to you two. Since you’ve already been on the satellite, you two are going to continue in the experiment until one of you tells me where Jonah is. And I already had a Bonehead retrieve your teleporter, so you can put that one away.”

Joel’s heart dropped into his stomach. Not this. Not again. It was one thing, back when he was a janitor at Gizmonic, back when he hadn’t really established himself in the world yet. But he had a life now. A hot fish shop. He had friends. People who would notice that he was gone. 

“No. You can’t do this to us.” Joel said. “You’re not your father or grandmother. Just let us go back to earth, and we can all go about our lives.”

“No can do. I swore I would continue my father’s great experiment, and that I shall do.”

“Your father wouldn’t want you to do this, Kinga.”

“How would you know? He’s dead.”

It hit Joel like a ton of bricks. Dr F had never told Kinga that he was alive. She had no idea. 

“Kinga, here’s the thing: your father isn’t dead. Neither is Frank.” Joel said. 

“Like that’ll work. You know full well they died.”

Mike sighed from beside Joel. “He’s right. Your father isn’t dead. We got the teleporter from him.”

Kinga’s mouth fell open. “I… He never… Why didn’t he call? Or write? Or anything?”

“I’m sorry, Kinga.” Joel said, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone of voice. “Your father had no right to do that.”

Kinga took a few deep breaths. “I need to deal with this. Max, do something with them.”

Kinga walked offscreen, and Max was left standing there bewildered. “Hey, uh, so my dad’s alive too?”

Mike nodded. “Yep. Alive as I am. Still weird, though.”

Max looked over his shoulder, evidently making sure that Kinga wasn’t looking. “Can you tell me where he is?”

Joel and Mike looked at each other and nodded. They both had thought of the same plan at the same time. 

“I might be able to.” Joel said. “If you let us, Jonah, and the Bots go down to earth.”

“Gee, I don’t know. Kinga might not like it.”

Mike rolled his eyes. “Max, Kinga treats you like crap.”

“I know, but… Oh, alright, I’ll take you. Get Jonah and the rest of them, bring them to the bridge, and we can get you all out of there. Call up when you’re ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is me desperately patching plot holes with masking tape, elmers glue, and hope  
> writing multi-chapter things is hard how do people do it without suffering

**Author's Note:**

> joel is unbelievably fun to write


End file.
